colonisation

Mind owned by the wanting ones time spent with.

Comments suggesting I view myself as superior shut them down: "She would be broadened." "It is good to be able to laugh at yourself." ('That's like: you're all right and I'm fucked up.')

You don't want to read this.

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What is our potential?

How can I communicate to myself and to more others our worth, potential? How can I not aimlessly go from imaginary woman friend to imaginary woman friend with no aim or center or concept of the worth and potential of the dyadic relationship?

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The only vision, potential, worth: to be the model for, spokesman of, the consciously unvisioned life.

Later this coming week I may meet with one who is more of a peer than the others mentioned here. Meaning we can interact and not fear each other--as I may fear B, or as Neighborhood Friend may fear me. The peer can talk about desire, and she has it, and she is careful, and that is comfortable.

I don't need to be so melodramatic--

Broken people.

Give us a task.

So I live visionless. When I spend time with them, I reflect?

What happens if you all give up?

And--

All these broken people. (superiority once more? Including self.)

What would I have to do were they whole?

we never will be!

sitting here in this broken land because my grandma has a house here and has not pushed me out

playing with people,
like a little kid.
Our desires.

My resolve to leave fails as connections to women, however varied within that general genre [cruel only if you believe strong and shapely masculine and feminine forms are epitomes and the rest are degenerates rather than spectrum], multiply. [after writing this, and accompanying exercises, reaffirmation occurs to follow the old paper plan where it leads, ever open to alternate paths.]

I may, however, be un bindable, un stick able, long-term safe--I have no independent will(? I have only a will to independence to serve as eventual balance to simple following). They see a generally nice person, not yet too unattractive or decayed (compared to them--it is all relative[?]), however odd, who has a somewhat sensitive honesty, a freedom from surface concerns(?), and who is attracted to them somehow, tolerant, patient(?).

But who has no initiative, no desire to lead. A responsive body. Leading only into non-leading.

Sit, act, as it happens.

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but part of the cycle is to have a vision. Who are you?

there is no framework for placing you if you are disembodied from a plan.

To the homeless shelter then: there we may achieve simple presence.

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_I_ can't place myself without a plan. In relation to them, I have desire. For which there is no framework for realization.

On the road, that doesn't matter, but the shortterm none of us wish--

Desire, the root motive,

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A (skillful) change of subject.

Marked by choice vs. (Marked by what else)?

we are all marked?

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desire can be a base, a center, but cannot be an all.

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blanking

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plan:
- may ask if peer could meet tues.
- Will continue working on going to sea project

in stillness, that's all--

"Zimbabwae is. . . And you're worried about . . ., and I'm focused on you worrying about . . ."

Poor leadership, (lack of foresight, vision, productive collaboration, initiative, motivation,) come squash us(me)!

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Peace,