Just passing time while I air-dry, sitting on [a toilet in] a stall in the Kroc Center, attempting to bring a bit of introspection to mindless moving[, eating, reading, rut reinhabiting].
Now that I have a goal to work for (?) (working on a big ship/tug/etc), life is fine, until I realize the goal doesn't work. So will try to make this potential mistake slow, cheap.
It's not really ever a mistake, just another branch of the (carfree) path to follow, learn from, see where I end up.
Plusses:
o It keeps me moving. Working canals, long-term trips, I would not have the rut of a home base.
o Working with a team for the length of a trip.
Minuses:
o Irregular sleep from watch-keeping.
o Diesel fumes, other insults,--how bad will this be?
---
Previously: Rebelling(?) against idea that we must have a profession/career. By what oddness do masses of people believe they have some calling in life? [or some true love?] What perversity?
Or: that you must have trade/profession just to get by nicely--a bit more reasonable, but no more guiding.
Regardless of my thoughts about it, not having a trade. . . well computers was mine once.
Now: rebelling against idea that one must do something creative: business, art, Internet, etc. Why is going to sea not considered. (man whistling and farting next door makes focus a challenge). Business school is, engineering, doctors, dentistry, architecture, planning, politics, even now farming, all those, OK.
'Rebelling' isn't the right word. Just exploring the alternative.
What mindfulness could be added here? Better care of body? What does my friend's friendliness mean? Is that rut too? [or life?]
Better care of body[, mind]. (how balance care with use?) [Can use be care?]
Other than that, it is time to flail, act, react, evaluate later, as pauses come.
This mindless ocean/water/sky-hypnotized movement, is it life? or just another version of passing time painlessly as once was eight hours programming?
The life part is partly the new addition of being more with others(--life [flow/dao/tao] being homeostasis [no--better, perhaps: a flowing, growing into new spaces/across/through/into old boundaries. A complete break with past/previous/precedent being impossible, what I called homeostasis or settling (dialectic?) is just a result of having existence, of having come from somewhere?] ? A travel to extremes, an ever-return to balance[, if too much with others, life=more solo?]?)?
being more with others, moving stuff around, being not [only] our own agent, but agent of whatever is being done through us, such as, "greening of transport."
[Coming from somewhere, going somewhere--some sort of balance of this process could avoid both rut mindlessness and flailing mindless movement, eating, etc. I'm _not_ going nowhere, never will be, however little I do do. How to manage(?) the process, of having come, of being going? Eating: generally a rut mindlessness. Actual movement and non-commitment is more often movement mindlessness. Going upstairs to do old weight routine. . . is . . . not going and eating more tortillas . . . is . . . Both rut mindlessness, but one more healthy. True movement would be doing something healthy but (more) different than previous habits. (Having come from somewhere,) there will always be a cycle, a repetition. Could each cycle incorporate a new and more progressively healthy (or otherwise different in some positive way) difference. . . The big cycles are the big ruts--by taking aim at them, I can enable more progression? To somewhere? Or just stimulating change? The big cycles: (Transport of self, movement to obtain resources/experience in a physical environment.) Sleep, wake. Eat/not eat. Exercise/rest. Alone/with others. Act/reflect. Learn or create (perhaps by challenging fear) new pattern/repeat old. By never being near old physical environment and old acquaintances (and old languages/culture) many old patterns are disrupted, and the question "what now?" can happen more.
Some cycles, repetitions then generally enable flow and progression (healthy, moderate sleep/eat), some inhibit? Too great attachment to anything inhibits? Too little attachment to anything inhibits? Great attachment enables great progression? Great attachment to one thing (to the right things?) enables great progression? Attachment to many things inhibits?
. . .
By doing old weight routine with new/different thoughts/foci in mind, progression occurs? By being in familiar physical location with unfamiliar thoughts/ a different past. . .
What of the huge progressions? A farm at San Diego City College, a monkey in space, going from senator to president, from Jersey Turnpike Tollbooth Attendant to member of the Huaorani (sp?) tribe in the Amazonian Ecuador? From upper-middle-class LA Jewish kid to super-skilled Bedouin?
Individual progressions and collective progressions. . . we can progress from a people whose lives and collective actions destroy, to . . . we can progress from an organism defenseless against annihilation by asteroid . . . from defenseless nation to defended nation, to groups of nations not needing defense from one another, etc . . .
Individual's role and meaning in the collective progression?
what is the individual progression? the collective? Do we look to Wilber again?
We all sense, as in theory U, and collectively each larger cultural unit does the same?
{Ending reflective cycle/writing, resuming movement, action.
Locker room sounds (add 'em in). . . water (sometimes obsessive flushing), doors, rattling on metal, slams, drops of bags, pressing of soap dispensers, developmentally disabled (random honks), financial planner firm mgrs (an employee issue), now a schizophrenic(?), to self(?): "Y-y-y know, Charles Lindbergh flew over the Atlantic," (laughs} "[. . .] E-e-even now, who cares?"
]
Peace,
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