Taking a break after swimming, weights, to rest.
I ordered two new pairs of shoes from zappos.com last night. One, a $64 pair of Nikes, another, a $39 pair of Reeboks. Sure about the Nikes, not about the 'boks--that they'll fit and I can wear them into the ground without problems. If I go visit Mike M and learn to make shoes, I'll do that instead. It's the balls of my feet--
Laurie led a wonderful bit of Iyengar (sp?) yoga last night (using a web page of standing poses for guidance). Long holding of poses, very nice, plus relaxing music during a long, dreamy dead-person's pose at the end. I've been neglecting dance, yoga, full-body flex and awareness. . . feels so good to not.
She also walked with me to a shoe store. How happy I am. Life is better with a companion? I so don't want to say that (because companionless I and others will read it). We all have to be content with and even value absence of a companion. I've been seeking to work with others. Lucky to already sort of be. Lucky to have zappos too.
Never heard back from Jorge in Ensenada. Was it my Nikes? Never really made it into the in-group of SD anarchists. . .
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I did go to State and begin to continue work on the temp application, but only barely. Then got to looking for urban planning internships. Then at Americorps. Then at USA Freedom Corps (HooRah!), which helped me find The Center for the Blind, less than a half-mile away probably, to volunteer for. Got to looking at Attra.org (?) farm internships. There are tons. Why am I not there? Tried that already? Is my future in the city? There's also an LA org--see my del.icio links--which has reclaimed dead lots, made great public space, that seeks an Americorps volunteer.
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I logged into linkedin.
Because, to apply to volunteer with Americorps, one is supposed to list all jobs held for the last 10 years.
Couldn't I just list them at linkedin and have every other job app take them from there? Given that it will take at least an hour of high-focus mindless labor per app to fill in the jobs I've had since '98? Linkedin--can you help?
Well. . . , since '98. That's not so bad actually. Dedicated mindless labor can bring great peace.
Logged into Facebook too, and saw a note posted by George Kao (georgekao.com, www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1234621): www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=41595484448 . My distilling:
"Seek the welfare of others. This challenges us differently. This is how we grow." (compassion)
This was good reinforcement for volunteering at The Center for the Blind, and I soon set off that way, obtaining at last an application which does not ask for ten years' history.
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Found myself noting, not pleasantly, the repetition of the walk to the Kroc Center early this AM (I've been benefiting from having to get there early due to polo teams using whole pool around 830).
Asked Bill (a very young 80+, tennis competitor, cannonball lifter) how he finds joy in doing the same thing so often, in the same place, for so long. "It's not what you're doing, but who you're doing it with."--this was a quick response. He's the happy pool- and weight room companion of Marion--who has a less-energetic husband, with whom and others they meet afterwards, three times a week, at the Starbucks in the nearby Save-a-Lot strip mall.
Later, on the walk back from the Center, I resorted to an audiobook: Thoreau in "Walking" celebrating wandering (and noting he has a companion sometimes, a fellow knight errant, saunterer, seeker of the holy land).
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Is compassion the whole story?
Laurie told me of _River Horse_ by William Least Heat-Moon. He went across the USA by river as much as possible--most miles in a motorboat, but also in a motor canoe and whitewater raft--and wrote about it.
George posted another quote: Helen Keller: I so much want to do something of great virtue, but must do small things with great virtue. Something like that.
It's desire for great (Csikszentmihalyi) Flow/dao? To not be questioning one's task.
My personal dialectic has swung from "vow of stability" / 'commitment to place' to 'exploration of movement'.
(If one remains in the same place, or even if one moves, one must be engaged in creating, in appreciating, for life to be ever new?)
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The welfare of others is their freedom to move/create (be at peace) in order to help others move/create (be at peace)?
Impression of greatness of soul: Thich Nhat Hanh gives the impression, Thanissaro Bikkhu does so less (because in his writing he has defined his self in opposition. . .) TNH teaches compassion, all-embrace in his writings and in what little I've seen of his monks. . . With Thanissaro B. (and with me) one expects to be received more critically. On meeting a soul: "How can I help him find the true path?" says Thanissaro B. "How can I help her know peace?" says TNH. "How can I not be hurt and have fun too?" says I.
(note: Thanissaro Bikkhu / accesstoinsight.org --in particular the very simple meditation instructions of Ajaan Shah(?), focus on your belly breathing--have helped me. I would not *not* have him. What use is there in labeling TNH the greater? I've learned from both, but so far have only sought out, witnessed TNH & his students.)
My life manifests that narrow soul--concern with personal peace, adventure, well-being.
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So there is a group consciousness!! Or at least many individuals wishing to do something great for the welfare of others.
Compassion requires there to be suffering?
When we think of TNH, Mother Teresa. . . Albert Schweitzer(? Doctor in Africa?), and wish to be like them, what is going on? Not Shakespeare, Dickinson, Edison, Einstein. . . Washington, Jefferson.
The former came from or sought suffering; successfully organized, large-scale, to alleviate it, while also (idealized or in fact) behaving in a manner which increased the creative love of those who interacted personally with them.
Gandhi. . . too, perhaps not as picture-perfect interpersonally, but we'd not *not* have him. Even, or very often, the great leaders have, and can pass on unhelpfully to others, self-criticism. Ramakrishna even? but perhaps not Ramana Maharshi (sp?).
Wilber, now that I think of it, very nearly does *not* pass on self-criticism, yet is replete with criticism, a bit of a paradox, due to his always or very often ending on the note: we're always already there (and always seeking greater wholeness).
Chogyam Trungpa's (I know that's spelled wrong and/or the name of her teacher) interview in _The Sun_ has influenced my focus here. She notes: there's always been suffering, the feeling that something's wrong. Here in the west it's become "something is wrong with me."
Stephen Covey shares this message too: if you ever are negatively critical of anyone, others get the idea that you could be critical of them too--and while I don't think he adds this: there's a good chance you get down on yourself as well.
NVC, non-violent communication, probably addresses whatever it is I'm getting at. And other things. Christianity.
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As Franklin notes in his autobiography (when explaining why he began to eat fish after years of eating no meat [the fish eat each other, and besides, they taste good]), being a reasonable person is a good thing--one can come up with reasons for whatever one might want to do.
What does working for the welfare of others mean for me right now?
Stages: looking around, seeing & experiencing unhappy, unhealthy people, resolving not to be that way one's self = pursuit of personal happiness, regardless of convention (convention did not serve many of those we've left behind). To the point where unconventional health-seeking becomes conventional. . . (in one's subgroup or in the larger culture. Both, in this case).
That's somewhat where I am stuck. Somewhat what Thoreau may represent.
I've gravitated toward people who serve: volunteers, Quakers, carfree cities activists, green builders, ecovillage founders, teachers, gardeners, facilitators, permaculturists, green business students, Buddhists. . .
I've never really done anything for the welfare of others? Always seeking this personal sense of flow? Windsurfing, biking, loving, walking, feeling, reading, swimming, dancing, writing, leading, drawing, rowing, eating, thinking, programming, running, singing, playing, kissing, climbing, stretching, sitting, tasting, relaxing, resting, sleeping, sailing, dreaming, applying, meeting, experiencing something new.
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Circles of concern, another Covey concept--I'm left with that. In seeking to work, walk, sail, etc, with others, there will at least be one other's welfare to seek.
Compassion, seeking the welfare of others remains a limited guide for me? The personal, self-interested sense of flow (of dao?), more salient?
Peace,
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