silence; data; metamorphose; reproduce

I exercised for a long time today. Did some jump rope too. In the locker room met Bob who works in the pet store near the house. Returned, ate, and got to reading "Practicing at Deer Park Monastery" and "Walking Sangha" (something I wrote in June 2007--I believe it is in the links of the blog). I took many notes. I wanted check the monastery schedule, so turned on computer, and then decided to back up phone data.

My many notes from today were lost! I've never had a problem losing data before. The problem was, I believe, I left the message open, and had never saved it prior to attempting the backup, which had problems.

But the main message of the notes is: what I'm about to begin on (with the retreat at DPM) will probably be hard and personality-changing. At the least it should be habit-changing.

Some of the notes were from the 5 mindfulness trainings. No killing, stealing, sex, speaking (unmindfully), eating unmindfully. Those ideas expanded upon.

No speaking from after evening meditation until after breakfast. And generally you don't need to speak much. It is best to talk during dharma discussions when procedures are in place to enable mindful speaking and listening.

If you hear a bell, focus on your breathing for three breaths.

Chew each bite 30 times. No speaking in the first 20 minutes of each meal. No eating until all are served.

This is not the spirit of the trainings, but their effect.

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Perhaps, as in Goenka's meditation training, writing and reading could be discouraged.

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I plan to start sleeping outside tonight or tomorrow so I can be sure I'll have what I need to be comfortable camping.

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I do feel this is the end of an old self. The beginning of something different. The community, frames of reference, any social comparison, routines and habits, will all be different.

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In my notes were many concrete practices and helpful ideas for speaking & acting more mindfully. It would have been good to review them.

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"Dad, isn't this soup fantastic!" was an example of a positive, non-divisive, food-focused thing to say at a mealtime.

It has taken my awareness of my own fallibility to be able to accept the idea of moving in such a blissfully happy[-structured, some might say 'unfree' (though others just the opposite)] direction.

In the past my feeling has been, perhaps: isn't life like that somehow dishonest? incomplete? [can't I make a go of it 'in the world'?]

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This may be the beginning of the end of this self, of me writing here, of who knows what else.

What aspects of the old self will be carried forward?

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2040 returned from visit to cat. Here are some of the [memories of the] notes.

no killing, stealing, etc. applies to animal, plants, and minerals. Protect their lives, work for their well-being.

no sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment.

speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope.

"confusion" among other things, is something to be transformed through mindful consumption/diet.

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much to live up to.

All in all: what TNH represents and teaches is worth reproducing. There are many other things worth reproducing. Many other things worth creating [/ modifying].

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Peace and creative love,