jump!

Grandad's 80th birthday was in November, 2000. And where was I? Stayed in Seattle? I found the birthday book my aunt Carolynn helped put together for him.

I am such a newcomer. And an example of culture dialectic.

I took some pics of the book. Time and aging and technology. urban change.

---

So, I escaped Grandma Ann's house yet again. How many more times will I have to?

Seemed like it took forever, but got to bed around 10, up at 430 and to Point Loma by 8, walking from the trolley 50 min.

Last night, bought new shoes (-$40+), 8 aluminum stakes (-$6), dri ducks rainsuit size L (-$15), about $65 total.

Got out of house carrying way too much, but bag was light, even so. Progress.

Wore the dry ducks last night but believe the condensation on inside made me colder. Well, as a result, I'm carrying a whole extra old 30-degree down bag (~3lbs?). Decided to go for comfort and for being prepared.

Food issues--clearing out the fridge. A theme the past few days: eating and knowing this is not how the monks eat.

A bit of sickness /soreness in the throat. Pitched the tarp here (Locust St), but took it down. Will sleep inside tonight. [Airplane noise. . . Partly,]

I hope at least to get some jumping in before dinner preparation (4pm).

My grandad put holes in his car's muffler with his dad's sample pick (mining tool) to make noise. [Once upon a time--pre 1950?]

He led a petition drive to repeal a non-discrimination in real estate law (Rumford Fair Housing Act) November, 1963.

He likes to wash and put away the dishes.

We also see the American/etc. culture of obesity, eating to death. [if you live long enough you get thinner again, but by then can't walk very well.]

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Hmm.

The "A rose for your pocket" experiment. My poor dad. I didn't get to tell him where it was coming from. He wasn't too relaxed beforehand, fidgeting. Don't know why. With Laurie, I got to tell her what it was from.

Later I realized neither attempt was by the book. There is an initial period of silent gazing. That could work with mom? Harder with my practice victims?

I see TNH and his monks as sort of facilitators for improving everyone's interaction and daily life--not primarily the 'team work' that challenge course facilitators tend to focus on. Yet what TNH targets is the root of all working together?

Still what he gets us/asks us to do is quite odd. And what does it mean when I ask, "----, do you know something? [. . .] Do you know that I love you?"

I sort of wince now, thinking of my attempts at practicing that. But it is different than the normal patterns. I see nothing obviously harmful in it. I did not do it without sincerity (definitely felt the love beforehand, but also, 'can I do it?' a personal challenge I often tend to go for, and also the public element of writing about it). It may be most useful in those cases where love has not as often been felt.

This seems complicated--'What's it all mean?'--that sort of complicated.

Soon, off I go to the monastery. At least on Thursday night I will be in a somewhat wild spot at night away from refrigerators and microwaves, and probably for at least two weeks after that.

There is a lot left to do:
[- post photos?]
- wash clothes
- finish sewing pants
- write Grandma Ann a birthday letter
- perhaps get or make a stuff sack for the other quilt I'm carrying.
- perhaps get a foam pad to sleep on since there may not be a bed of pine needles in the Deer Park Monastery camp ground.
- call mom
- figure out if I can take the express bus to Escondido (the 810?)

I have what is left of this day and tomorrow.

This order:
- pants
- birthday letter
- foam pad, stuff sack
- laundrymat
- mom
- bus
[- post photos, somewhere in there]

Leave early Thursday and return to the expansive time and freedom of homelessness. . . for much of Thurs, much of Friday. May get to read some more of something.

----
I am thinking of Melissa's "I think we could be good friends." I think we could too if the settlement [was: 'urban'] form we knew each other in was different.

In the (January 8? Dec 8?) _Fortune_ there was more detail on the new Masdar city (in United Arab Emirates?), carfree, with personal rapid transit (some carfree activists haven't been too keen on that).

I have no idea where I'm headed or how easy it is to become a monk. But as I leave the city, as I felt the conflict of saying goodbye to Laurie, to Melissa, and so on. . . And looking through grandad's 80th b-day book. . . I feel a bit of hope and relief I can leave this behind. Friends (and relatives joined by technology but) separated by urban [settlement] form (my friends could just be who is at the monastery where I am), and looking at women with desire--conflicted whether they hold back or act more lovingly than . . .

I don't know!

peace and creative love! Time to get some jumping in I hope.

the rest is just older short entries that didn't feel substantial enough for me to want to post them.
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[Tuesday, midday]

Now? Dad has gone, L arrived. I did my homework with both--the one TNH gave me in "Rose". That was the main challenge. Forbidding, as Zoima/Dostoyevsky's elder said of love. I saw Melissa the artist, Charles, Jose, at pool. No swimming, just jumped 30 min, and did part of kata, yoga, ballet.

Now? Getting ready to go is all. Previous hours have felt somewhat challenging. Now a bit of a lapse into something else? Reading paper, eating? May head to Point Loma now for good change, avoid some of overfeeding routine.

---

Mustard greens in yard now good eating.

On walk back from pool, a nice woman decided to smile at me--& got me to smile. That felt so nice.

I may be (hope to be?) leaving couple-love behind, and just do monk love. . . That seems to be the way, the serene smile.

wishing us Peace & creative love, may I appreciate many things and one, may I serve, and let's jump!

(I made my [~ultralight] rope out of plastic clothesline and drilled plastic bottle caps for [mini-]handles so the rope can spin.)

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[Sunday night or Mon. morning]

Time to write? The main preoccupation is: "am I prepared?" It is a challenge to relax. Ate. Dad leave, L return. Last morning with cat. Sewing. _Young @ Heart_ [saw bits of that documentary--my dad rented it]. Jumprope. Lost cat, found. Need to call grammie. What prayer, what to focus on? Get up at 430, monastery schedule? Appreciate? Serve my servants? Peace and creative love? Say goodbye to dad?

let's jump.