Oblivion

Consciousness fading, or bare, holding on. Would like to write, nothing to say.

Plans: swim, weights. @Kroc stall, now.

then sew. (listen to librivox: that will be good)

then, I guess, dentist plans, continue on that track. (relatives' interest is helpful in continuing that)

walks to use the Kcals. Was actually closer to 195 last post. Now around 192.

[Was not mentioning it, but may work 10th, 4th (challenge course), which lends some structure to the future.

--- ]

An obliterating event has been being imagined, a

megaton asteroid fire in the still, muddy, occasionally burping pond of my mental life.

Melodrama helps me say something though lessens integrity, respectability of voice.

And how can I write about this sans spreading puff on creeping cloud of global death?

Imagine you've guessed. I don't expect it [, what I'm referencing, to happen]. Given time and distance, escape is given. But closeness, compelled. Classic gift of life.

"Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?"

Yeah, but--Pequod beats off that shore following [slave to] a grander goal.

The captain, mad; the one wakened man, overpowered by captain's nonrational--gift of illness--charisma [power]--

A [day]dream of the future, with earth in it, with that shore in it, instead of the beating off, to escape--[I] had one. Fading.

The ["]soul["], reviving.

I love instead the fellow sailors, men, perhaps women too, not of the long shore.

Just need to keep their faces, yet unknown, before me.

---

Returning to the forest, camping,
saw the known emptiness there.

What gives strength to all consumption,
to all the running these youngsters do?

Carnal love sets life ongoing,
Food lets these lives stumble on.

The search for what they're missing--
Frantic energies consumes.

[neglecting many other pleasures here--scientific? Organizational? I've rarely (recently) felt the first, rarely the second. Musical? But we're headed to stillness again--All but organizational lead me back to stillness(?)]

Stop, be still, find that spot, remember it--

But that spreads stillness,
Release from gifts.

---

[Stillness in the cycle, then, as the result of engagement? Sing in choir every day because of joy and peace it enables?]

These themes are everywhere;
Everywhere unresolved.

[and the relation of social practices, tradition, news, activity (working together), awareness (we are all concerned about . . .), to both stillness (joy, peace) and engagement. In earlier, embedded lives, engagement, joy less avoidable, but soul less free?]

We know how to be still.
We know passion, lack of restraint.

Theo[-]retically we can consecrate each engagement,
Open each engagement to having it proceed from the divine--the larger, mad goal--all engagement proceeds from.

---

Dear,
what is your long-term view of this,
were we to
as once mentioned?

--

Peace,
Love,