2008-09-18-0750 Decision-free bliss of the bus ride.
Out of the forest, where the only working people the rangers--some in a cabin in the woods the whole summer--and the horsepackers, to: [this, bus drivers]--
Did fairly well avoiding "exit fever" rush during final days. Much time contemplating what next. Avoid SD at any cost? Monterey? SF? Stay in Lake Isabella while researching merchant marine?
Seem to have settled on going to sea, getting job on biggest ship possible, rather than Mexico, for now.
The last week, wrote little. One down day: annoyance with "rangers" (permit asking, food storage lecturing--no canisters required on this section but required to hang or locker food) in Sequoia NP, bugs. Last two days in drylands along the Kern, trees increasingly rare--fishing people, expeditions, and coming to the road two newbie campers, Cambodian (bad guess) shared meal of prawns, corn, nectarine, tangerine, pork kabob--John from OC, out of work programmer with 1 year unemployment, and Keyanna (Minnesota).
The following, if any, if it matters, lessons from trip. Some clichés, but ones I'd forgotten.
(1) I can do it. I can get body to work and eat in a way that lets me walk ~20 miles/day, day after day, up and down mts.
(2) Wherever I go, I'll suffer. Much self-induced.
This last week, no escape--not much power to listen to audiobooks, only a little reading of Calvino, _Cosmicomics_, English translation (a genre-synthesis of modern scientific creation lingo and ancient creation myth)--so watched mind run and run. Memories of interaction with others that came up were often not joyful. Hence desire to avoid SD, people jobs. But remembering good interaction now: Rbec, Rhugel, etc, friendly Lake Isabella bus driver, guys on bus. Challenge Course work perhaps too meaningful and overstimulating? Too much time thinking about it when I planned programs.
Ah, prayers for collaboration were answered: help plan socal permaculture gathering, and a Frank Cook email: come to next rainbow gathering in NM. But why am I not doing those?
But the main point: wherever I'll go I'll suffer--in monastery, in forest, etc. So why try to be as comfortable as possible (that will never be realized: one of my mental representations of that is being a bum near Monterey)? Why not suffer in an interesting way?
(3) Will to nomadism has been suppressed. Mark Twain noted this (_Roughing It_?): ~"humans have nomadic tendencies: nomadism has nearly been trained out of some white men but never the indian." The neo-agricultural/permacultural ideal, the care for place and vow of stability which I attempted to sort of embrace, and the ideal of owning land, real estate--may repress this (though some leading permaculturists are among the most nomadic). Well, I may not adopt car or plane travel-- but ships? To wake up in a new place each morning? Ever moving?
Proust, et al: changes of seeing, of mind, not place. Well let's have both: read and move. _Cosmicomics_ changes how I see the granite cliffs I'd not have otherwise seen.
Suffering-- whenever I wish things were different than how they are rather than being engaged in doing something: "how much longer must I deal with this trail?" vs. engagement in dealing with it, vs engagement in writing this.
(4) Trail modulation/variety. After the shock of Forester Pass (highest point on PCT/John Muir Trail), I desired long, flat, forested, temperate, direct trails. On my Non-Muir Trail route south I got plenty of that and came to appreciate a trail, a day of walking, that has ups and downs, views and forest, direct + roundabout, varieties of ecosystems, varieties of company, and so on.
All that vs. stasis, sameness, comfort. Which I confess I've spent a lot of my life pointing myself towards, somewhat consciously (head south for warmer winter), and unconsciously.
--
That's about it!
A point for contemplation: the coming to some sort of resolve about what to do next in this past week. A simple retrospective view is that going to sea offers more variety than would either wandering in Mexico or living houseless near Monterey, two ideas that were there. I know I'll suffer with the diesel fumes in the marinas, dockyards, motoring ships, with the shifts (four on, four off, whatever they are), with some of the people I'll be with--we'll see.
I still feel the monastery would be perhaps the purest path--not sure what that means--but maybe next life?
If the name of the blog changes to "Colin's sea blog: ways of suffering at sea" that's what happened. Though I won't focus just or even primarily on suffering. Probably would still focus on feeling fulfillment.
and who knows how far I'll get with this idea--[and I wouldn't be at sea all the time, just between land adventures.]
--
here's the last resupply list, which worked pretty well (combined with what I had left from previous resupplies--such as the dried potatoes, bisquick, seaweed. Even so, all this lasted me only ~six days. I ate to be content, to recover, and to be motivated to move -- rarely was walking hungry.):
Lodgepole Market & Gift 9/11/2008
1 natural peanut butter ~18 oz 3.89
6 eggs 1.39
1 at least 16oz flour tortillas 1.79 (binged, eaten that pm)
1 2lb corn tortilla 1.89
2 apples 1.89
1 banana .39
1 iceberg lettuce 1.49 (had no cabbage)
2 8oz philadelphia cream cheese 6.40
2 3oz " 2.80 (cream cheese worked well and did not seem to go bad, and for me, not binged)
1 14oz minute rice 3.29
12 3oz armour potted meat 5.83 -- a sort of cat food for people. Kept me going. Excessively salty.
5 3.75oz roasted,salted sunflower seeds 6.45
1 42oz quaker minute oats 6.09
1 8oz organic spinach fettucini 2.89
1 3oz kraft parmesan $3
1 cliff bar mojo mixed nuts bar (nearly worthless) 1.89
3 3.75oz sardines in soy oil 4.17 (well worth it--a new staple--fat and protein, not something I'd overeat/binge)
Total: $55.43
when I got out: got lots of bananas, apples, sunflower seeds, cabbage, carrots, 3 tins of 3.75 oz herring. $10
re wild food:
I ate too many elderberries or something at one point: not sick, but very laxative.
Loved the dried rosehips.
Did pick a pound? of hazel nuts/filberts, and eventually cracked and ate them.
Ate bunches of dandelion leaves raw every so often. Get desperate for greens, fruit fiber after a bit.
Summary: a variety of fat, protein, carbs for each eating time.
I didn't get any/much thinner on this trip--partly because of the free hiker food at Muir Trail & Vermilion.
Peace,
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