Hello! Looks like I'm getting email again, & Gianni let me know the last post (serotonin) made it (usually blogger sends an email). Thank you. I guess the Mammoth Mtn tower would let me send, not receive. I'll check the voicemail tomorrow, I bet. Now, I'm very near Tuolumne Mdws.
Walked till late last night and up early doing it too. After Donohue Pass, rested most of the day: 1130-1700. I got to be quiet, not connected (cell phone-wise), and to consider, what next?
Plan: to begin to head south, but further to the west. I may still go by VVR & MTR for the food. Goals: to be warmer at the lower elevations, to be less fatigued from the altitude (possible cause), to see the big trees, to avoid the crowded John Muir Trail, to begin heading toward Mexico.
That's about it.
In the two hours of walking before stopping, I started listening to _Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin_.
That cultural channeling idea and sense is simmering.
Peace,
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
i; serotonin of the culturemind
i, lowercase = this node = aid to being aware of self as node of the mind of culture. These ideas, not new--_The Global Brain_, Tree Bresson (? _Communities Mag_), Ramakrishna, among antecedents.
Disorientation. Language: basic component of my reproductive field, what I (i) reproduce, usually without questioning habits in using it. NonViolent Communication, Mindful Speech, practices, among others, to alter those habits.
Difficulty: language, a basic welcome mat, tool of rapport, of thought, of manufacture of subculture/ingroup/outgroup. Already, a number of readers turned away by this here manner.
The Disorientation noted in that recent comment by Anonymous, and my own awareness of immaturity, smallness of mind, violence of speech, definition of self in opposition (a good Daoist never do that. Word.), and general foolishness which I've (i) demonstrated in past and future posts--all that, rather than language, offered the in, the insight, in yesterday's AM sit.
Can't I (i) learn not to be overwhelmed or disoriented? The being overwhelmed points to some basic disconnect between my habits of seeing, acting, and the Dao, the Dharma(?), the way things are going, the way they are.
"Something is being done through us": my (i) best guess of the way things are going. So, if, in my interactions with others (a general source of overwhelm-ment in the past), I (i) can maintain awareness of that larger something, source, maybe I can avoid the--.
The "I", the mistake of interpreting and acting as if i am an entity independent of culturemind.
i find glimmerings that it is possible to maintain awareness of this larger source even in the midst of interaction. I've never referred to it as "culturemind" before, and may not do so to myself now. I find it, so far, a stillness and wideness of awareness, and mentioned it before at j9k blog (http://yailuminado.blogspot.com ) as 'god awareness', I think.
Well, now?
The motive. There needs to be, i think, a connection with, an awareness of, a subtle pleasure when one feels oneself channeling culture.
i believe this pleasure exists, but is not given as much attention as sexual pleasure. It is not simple fame or leadership--at least as I have understood it. "So: you can organize people, give them something to do, which they appreciate, Or, they look to you, --So what? Where is the joy in that, why is it worth the hassle?"
With that question unresolved, life stories and actions of Jesus, Buddha, Frank Cook (plantsandhealers.com), Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Adolph Hitler remain something I cannot relate to--I am not like them due to 'personality differences'. But the buddha has been reported to be personality-less, personality-free. And for some reason, he continued to stop meditating--perhaps to channel culture.
The scenario I'm working with, again, is re-imagining my meeting Toriana (perhaps her actual name). That is an interaction where lust could be foremost, or morefore could be awareness of the channeling of culture in the interaction. There could be connection with and guidance from the import of the interaction for the development of the culture. "--not our exclusive love, this is not only about individual i, thou. We, by our interaction, nourish a culture in which it is easy to love and to be loved."
Can I maintain connection with the pleasure that comes when channeling culture? When has it run through i before? What other examples, inspirations can i point to? Can I know the difference between a buddha channeling, a P. Hilton channeling, a hitler channeling?
An Emerson remark, approximately, "the great man is content to mark the bullseye, to let the rest shatter the target", and Twain's rhapsodizing about the desire "to be the first" gets at a bit of it. But seeing a marked target and bringing others to it ("share the joy this discovery brings me!"), is a more common experience of 'serotonin of the culturemind', and any view of 'first' is relative.
Recognition, appreciation by others, seem to be byproducts, an epiphenomenon of the actual pleasure, and yet--as in public speaking, interaction with audience--well, public reaction is vital--
My experiences of the pleasure: writing and publishing "hoboschool" http://purl.org/net/cfu/Members/colin/hoboschool (?), getting Jeffrey Sawyer's _Sun_ article online, and other texts, e.g., "Autogeddon". Working a teambuilding program where palpable, feelable was the feeling of facilitators' and participants' lives improving. Discovering wonderful, expanding, helpful ways of viewing life, world, or a topic of concern to a community i participated in (e.g., Food Not Lawns). Dance.
My experiences of absence, loss of the feeling: the mistaken post highschool/early college, sporadic at other times, feeling of total disconnect, unbridgeable uniqueness, meaninglessness, aloneness of my existence. Nothing I fixed on (i fixed on nothing), decided on, lasted. My ideas, motivations would change. Aware of few compelling, durable sources of meaning, fell back on the biological, worked from there. (I'm not remembering well--see archives: http://purl.org/net/ea/cleath/docs/ ?)
In secondhand (never entirely so) experience, what evidence of serotonin of cuturemind? The Holocracy reports of the effect of their organizational philosophy and process on workers' feelings of growth, empowerment, and on collective sensing of the organizational direction; legends of high functioning groups, teams (that are not examples of groupthink); Thich Nhat Hanh's, Cohen's (wie.org), etc.'s claims that the next enlightenment, awakening will be social, cultural; dance; a qi gung rock star/guru's differentiation between great virtue and small virtue; and, not exactly relevant? William James's "moral fighting weight".
To return to the present time, my present situation, i felt the serotonin, or anticipated feeling it, back when I was attempting to get unstuck from San Diego, and asking my mom for patience with my non-participation in an upcoming family reunion: "I think I'm feeling my way into something significant."
Now, out here, though i have no Idea how long i'll stay, i've the sense of being an embodiment of (1) many men's (primarily i have interacted with men) ideals, dreams: So much opening up and bits of tearyeyedness, perhaps, from Mike, Johnny, middleaged men, knowing a bit of decline of health, with family, work, having read, seen _Into the Wild_, wanting to be out more, "not many get to do what you're doing"; "We need more people doing differently, we have to change. My ways are part of the problem." And less fantastically, with my small pack, of (2) every hiker's desire to carry less weight. It is about 10lbs base pack weight. Jardine's pack is so small, he's thought a dayhiker and doesn't stand out in the way I do, perhaps.
Alright, so, a more recent application of sensing the social serotonin: my somewhat random trip to Mammoth yesterday--i interacted much more with many different people in person than i have in several days. Didn't feel so overwhelmed, though with J & family, his love, interest, friendliness, helpfulness, was very nearly very new, but the culture was flowing--he got a glimmer of it, so he offered a ride--and then i got to experience what buddha/tnh/thanissaro bikkhu say about generosity being a step, often a beginning step, on the noble path, and the monks' alms rounds serving both to let the monks practice contentness with whatever is given, even if nothing, and to let others be generous. I did not accept offer of money--is this arrogance? False independence? At any rate, I am planning to use the probable eventual need to make some money again as a path to new adventure.
That is nearly all. i did not address the buddha (common interpretation of B may not be best for this archetype--add Heron criticism? Tagore's _Sadhana Realisation_)/hilton/hitler difference. All i came to in earlier contemplation of the distinction derives from Covey's 8th habit, Joseph Campbell's (?) view of good art, and related ideas (Maxwell, others on developing leadership skills): "find your own voice and help others find theirs", "great art returns the experiencer to herself": So, is the cultural channeling creating (a) followers or (b) new nodes self-aware of the evolving? nature of culture and of their ability to (1) let the culture play and develop in them, to suit their unique position, their indigenous situation, rather than to (2) simply reproduce the artifacts generated by freer, more dynamic nexi, residents of distant cultural capitols, age-old renaissances? Is the channeling bringing more awareness, empowerment, enlivenment to previously primarily inert, predominantly mechanistic matter (Aurobindo/the Mother?)?
---
That's the insight of yesterday in pixels, more or less.
Oh, I forgot the etiology of our drive, motivation for an action to have cultural significance beyond isolated, individual pleasure: at the least, perhaps, the source is gestalt perception, the desire/function to perceive entities (wholes) as parts of a larger, more meaningful whole: three dots perceived as a triangle; a letter, as part of a word; a chance occurence?, as happening for a reason; and so on (source for this: Crumbaugh 1963?--ref'd in "Meaning in Life", see archive).
And gestalt perception is more functional, hence selected for, and there you are!
---
I think all this rambling only matters to the extent it helps me move in my life away from habits likely to lead to suffering toward those habits likely to lead to peace of mind.
I may listen to/read Pynchon, Dickens, Twain, whoever, differently too. Will I be more mindful in my writing, actions, life experiments?
If so, that will probably be a gradual process. Is this blithering? Do others do more? On one small hand it is at least an accomplishment to be a source of words running through a mind rather than simply running others' creations/channelings through mine.
Will I now be more aware of the cultural significance of my interactions with others? Will I now be able to relax more into it, to feel good in it, to let the flow occur? Will I still sense when it is time to stop, to be silent, to peacefully return to, not escape in a manic excitement (oh my--) to, the forest?
Am i sensing the seed of care for our body in this inter/action?
" " care for our mind?
" " care for our connection?
" " awareness of our ground?
that seems so heavy and unplayful, somewhat unfun. But whining, ranting, defining self in opposition don't answer as a remedy. There is a deeper wit and humor I think, a deeper fun, accessible to many / all? And I've heard, too, (Aurobindo, Wilber) there are 'higher-tier' manners of acting and conversing. And that, regardless, the manner of interacting is chosen/channeled by the culture-adept(?) to best purpose.
I guess, in practice, how it will play out for me, where I am now, is sort of the Aurobindian consecration practice in this form: doing my best to touch in frequently with that wider, stiller, ever-, awareness. The manic-ness, the release into momentary no mind of pleasure or habit--that seems to be a bit of the 'fun' I'm imagining losing. But i know well enough the manicness brings a necessary period of recovering. It is as if the overwhelm-ment/manicness signals the need for the kind of pondering, attempted still-sitting I've done a bit of these past two days. So then, more of that awareness to more moments? A merge/synthesis of John Heron's modes, perhaps by means of speed switched between, to the point, as perhaps in Goenka's vipassana, the merged modes become ongoing state?
Ha ha, he he!
2008-08-17-1159, in forest near Devil's Postpiles National Monument.
Peace,
Disorientation. Language: basic component of my reproductive field, what I (i) reproduce, usually without questioning habits in using it. NonViolent Communication, Mindful Speech, practices, among others, to alter those habits.
Difficulty: language, a basic welcome mat, tool of rapport, of thought, of manufacture of subculture/ingroup/outgroup. Already, a number of readers turned away by this here manner.
The Disorientation noted in that recent comment by Anonymous, and my own awareness of immaturity, smallness of mind, violence of speech, definition of self in opposition (a good Daoist never do that. Word.), and general foolishness which I've (i) demonstrated in past and future posts--all that, rather than language, offered the in, the insight, in yesterday's AM sit.
Can't I (i) learn not to be overwhelmed or disoriented? The being overwhelmed points to some basic disconnect between my habits of seeing, acting, and the Dao, the Dharma(?), the way things are going, the way they are.
"Something is being done through us": my (i) best guess of the way things are going. So, if, in my interactions with others (a general source of overwhelm-ment in the past), I (i) can maintain awareness of that larger something, source, maybe I can avoid the--.
The "I", the mistake of interpreting and acting as if i am an entity independent of culturemind.
i find glimmerings that it is possible to maintain awareness of this larger source even in the midst of interaction. I've never referred to it as "culturemind" before, and may not do so to myself now. I find it, so far, a stillness and wideness of awareness, and mentioned it before at j9k blog (http://yailuminado.blogspot.com ) as 'god awareness', I think.
Well, now?
The motive. There needs to be, i think, a connection with, an awareness of, a subtle pleasure when one feels oneself channeling culture.
i believe this pleasure exists, but is not given as much attention as sexual pleasure. It is not simple fame or leadership--at least as I have understood it. "So: you can organize people, give them something to do, which they appreciate, Or, they look to you, --So what? Where is the joy in that, why is it worth the hassle?"
With that question unresolved, life stories and actions of Jesus, Buddha, Frank Cook (plantsandhealers.com), Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Adolph Hitler remain something I cannot relate to--I am not like them due to 'personality differences'. But the buddha has been reported to be personality-less, personality-free. And for some reason, he continued to stop meditating--perhaps to channel culture.
The scenario I'm working with, again, is re-imagining my meeting Toriana (perhaps her actual name). That is an interaction where lust could be foremost, or morefore could be awareness of the channeling of culture in the interaction. There could be connection with and guidance from the import of the interaction for the development of the culture. "--not our exclusive love, this is not only about individual i, thou. We, by our interaction, nourish a culture in which it is easy to love and to be loved."
Can I maintain connection with the pleasure that comes when channeling culture? When has it run through i before? What other examples, inspirations can i point to? Can I know the difference between a buddha channeling, a P. Hilton channeling, a hitler channeling?
An Emerson remark, approximately, "the great man is content to mark the bullseye, to let the rest shatter the target", and Twain's rhapsodizing about the desire "to be the first" gets at a bit of it. But seeing a marked target and bringing others to it ("share the joy this discovery brings me!"), is a more common experience of 'serotonin of the culturemind', and any view of 'first' is relative.
Recognition, appreciation by others, seem to be byproducts, an epiphenomenon of the actual pleasure, and yet--as in public speaking, interaction with audience--well, public reaction is vital--
My experiences of the pleasure: writing and publishing "hoboschool" http://purl.org/net/cfu/Members/colin/hoboschool (?), getting Jeffrey Sawyer's _Sun_ article online, and other texts, e.g., "Autogeddon". Working a teambuilding program where palpable, feelable was the feeling of facilitators' and participants' lives improving. Discovering wonderful, expanding, helpful ways of viewing life, world, or a topic of concern to a community i participated in (e.g., Food Not Lawns). Dance.
My experiences of absence, loss of the feeling: the mistaken post highschool/early college, sporadic at other times, feeling of total disconnect, unbridgeable uniqueness, meaninglessness, aloneness of my existence. Nothing I fixed on (i fixed on nothing), decided on, lasted. My ideas, motivations would change. Aware of few compelling, durable sources of meaning, fell back on the biological, worked from there. (I'm not remembering well--see archives: http://purl.org/net/ea/cleath/docs/ ?)
In secondhand (never entirely so) experience, what evidence of serotonin of cuturemind? The Holocracy reports of the effect of their organizational philosophy and process on workers' feelings of growth, empowerment, and on collective sensing of the organizational direction; legends of high functioning groups, teams (that are not examples of groupthink); Thich Nhat Hanh's, Cohen's (wie.org), etc.'s claims that the next enlightenment, awakening will be social, cultural; dance; a qi gung rock star/guru's differentiation between great virtue and small virtue; and, not exactly relevant? William James's "moral fighting weight".
To return to the present time, my present situation, i felt the serotonin, or anticipated feeling it, back when I was attempting to get unstuck from San Diego, and asking my mom for patience with my non-participation in an upcoming family reunion: "I think I'm feeling my way into something significant."
Now, out here, though i have no Idea how long i'll stay, i've the sense of being an embodiment of (1) many men's (primarily i have interacted with men) ideals, dreams: So much opening up and bits of tearyeyedness, perhaps, from Mike, Johnny, middleaged men, knowing a bit of decline of health, with family, work, having read, seen _Into the Wild_, wanting to be out more, "not many get to do what you're doing"; "We need more people doing differently, we have to change. My ways are part of the problem." And less fantastically, with my small pack, of (2) every hiker's desire to carry less weight. It is about 10lbs base pack weight. Jardine's pack is so small, he's thought a dayhiker and doesn't stand out in the way I do, perhaps.
Alright, so, a more recent application of sensing the social serotonin: my somewhat random trip to Mammoth yesterday--i interacted much more with many different people in person than i have in several days. Didn't feel so overwhelmed, though with J & family, his love, interest, friendliness, helpfulness, was very nearly very new, but the culture was flowing--he got a glimmer of it, so he offered a ride--and then i got to experience what buddha/tnh/thanissaro bikkhu say about generosity being a step, often a beginning step, on the noble path, and the monks' alms rounds serving both to let the monks practice contentness with whatever is given, even if nothing, and to let others be generous. I did not accept offer of money--is this arrogance? False independence? At any rate, I am planning to use the probable eventual need to make some money again as a path to new adventure.
That is nearly all. i did not address the buddha (common interpretation of B may not be best for this archetype--add Heron criticism? Tagore's _Sadhana Realisation_)/hilton/hitler difference. All i came to in earlier contemplation of the distinction derives from Covey's 8th habit, Joseph Campbell's (?) view of good art, and related ideas (Maxwell, others on developing leadership skills): "find your own voice and help others find theirs", "great art returns the experiencer to herself": So, is the cultural channeling creating (a) followers or (b) new nodes self-aware of the evolving? nature of culture and of their ability to (1) let the culture play and develop in them, to suit their unique position, their indigenous situation, rather than to (2) simply reproduce the artifacts generated by freer, more dynamic nexi, residents of distant cultural capitols, age-old renaissances? Is the channeling bringing more awareness, empowerment, enlivenment to previously primarily inert, predominantly mechanistic matter (Aurobindo/the Mother?)?
---
That's the insight of yesterday in pixels, more or less.
Oh, I forgot the etiology of our drive, motivation for an action to have cultural significance beyond isolated, individual pleasure: at the least, perhaps, the source is gestalt perception, the desire/function to perceive entities (wholes) as parts of a larger, more meaningful whole: three dots perceived as a triangle; a letter, as part of a word; a chance occurence?, as happening for a reason; and so on (source for this: Crumbaugh 1963?--ref'd in "Meaning in Life", see archive).
And gestalt perception is more functional, hence selected for, and there you are!
---
I think all this rambling only matters to the extent it helps me move in my life away from habits likely to lead to suffering toward those habits likely to lead to peace of mind.
I may listen to/read Pynchon, Dickens, Twain, whoever, differently too. Will I be more mindful in my writing, actions, life experiments?
If so, that will probably be a gradual process. Is this blithering? Do others do more? On one small hand it is at least an accomplishment to be a source of words running through a mind rather than simply running others' creations/channelings through mine.
Will I now be more aware of the cultural significance of my interactions with others? Will I now be able to relax more into it, to feel good in it, to let the flow occur? Will I still sense when it is time to stop, to be silent, to peacefully return to, not escape in a manic excitement (oh my--) to, the forest?
Am i sensing the seed of care for our body in this inter/action?
" " care for our mind?
" " care for our connection?
" " awareness of our ground?
that seems so heavy and unplayful, somewhat unfun. But whining, ranting, defining self in opposition don't answer as a remedy. There is a deeper wit and humor I think, a deeper fun, accessible to many / all? And I've heard, too, (Aurobindo, Wilber) there are 'higher-tier' manners of acting and conversing. And that, regardless, the manner of interacting is chosen/channeled by the culture-adept(?) to best purpose.
I guess, in practice, how it will play out for me, where I am now, is sort of the Aurobindian consecration practice in this form: doing my best to touch in frequently with that wider, stiller, ever-, awareness. The manic-ness, the release into momentary no mind of pleasure or habit--that seems to be a bit of the 'fun' I'm imagining losing. But i know well enough the manicness brings a necessary period of recovering. It is as if the overwhelm-ment/manicness signals the need for the kind of pondering, attempted still-sitting I've done a bit of these past two days. So then, more of that awareness to more moments? A merge/synthesis of John Heron's modes, perhaps by means of speed switched between, to the point, as perhaps in Goenka's vipassana, the merged modes become ongoing state?
Ha ha, he he!
2008-08-17-1159, in forest near Devil's Postpiles National Monument.
Peace,
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Vista; What to do; Re: your comment!
I came to a vista open to the west near a stream. I'd planned to rest @ water. Tried, and there's a good signal again, so I got some messages, and I thought I'd update things since I made it through a stretch of unmaintained trail.
The vista overlooks the valley formed by convergence of north and middle forks of the San Joaquin. I'm near Red's Meadow and maybe 70 mi from Tuol. Mdws. Sky is stormy, hazy as if there are fires, really bad smog.
One message was: http://fireeagle.yahoo.net is open for everyone now & has some deal with the spot gps tracker.
Last night I cooked, ate a big trout and two different kinds of mushrooms--two yellow boletes & a piece of one of the huge, white, gilled shrooms that grow on dead foxtail pines I think. All this using the coals of a fire. I ate the fish, bones and all.
Most exciting:
> Colin, who can reply to you? Or, possibly you don't want answers from other people because they just intrude on your own inner dialogues and anyway, they are not in your "shoes" so to say.
Thanks for your message! As far as I can tell: if you comment on the blog or email me directly, and if that day or the next I turn on the cell phone and get a signal, I'll get the message. Otherwise (say there's no signal for a whole week), not until I log into gmail somewhere will I see the message. Messages sent to me @mms.att.net can get lost in oblivion; me @gmail goes to phone and keeps a copy at gmail too.
There have been messages I sent from the cell phone that never went through. It's never perfect. If two weeks go by and no response from me to a message, I probably did not get it yet.
There have been times where I got overwhelmed by fairly simple appreciative emails, or messages of other kinds. Mostly: not sure how to respond, yet feeling I should respond. I seem to prefer usually writing the whole world than personal messages, but I'm usually happy to have the personal emails to think about and reply to.
> [the inner peace part]
I'm wondering whether I should savor this comment longer--it may be helping me narrow in on two areas of questioning: what are we doing here together, what am I doing writing here, what are people doing sending me messages, commenting, etc., what am I doing when I hang out with friends, people on the trail, whoever? When I left comments? When I read or listen? All that, one area. Other area: what are we doing beyond seeking to enjoy peace / help others do so? As long as I'm alive, there are decisions to be made, how do I decide?
And a comment is nice--because (area 1) maybe others have these questions? Well, I'm not sure what.
[Saw a hawk? knock a bat? which started spiraling; hawk turned back, caught it, carried it off.]
Getting nowhere with these questions now. All that's coming is (Aurobindian per Kazlav - http://kheper.net ?): things are being done through me/us by all these actions. & response to "what to do?" is the basic Theory U / shaman's journey approach: go into stillness, come back out, there you are. Repeat.
So that's what I'll do. Yes our/my interactions matter. Joy, love, energy, or the cockroach effect (Zajonc?) comes from that.
Will now enjoy walking further on a trail that is easy to follow. Even in the dark. On my breaks, been reading Pynchon's _Vineland_. At least, I think it's his--more approachable than _Mason Dixon Line_ which I may try next, but not as remarkable as _V_.
Thanks for hanging on this mtntop with me! The contact is real (all contact is mediated [Wilber]) though it's through the machine (Forester).
oh my-
Peace,
The vista overlooks the valley formed by convergence of north and middle forks of the San Joaquin. I'm near Red's Meadow and maybe 70 mi from Tuol. Mdws. Sky is stormy, hazy as if there are fires, really bad smog.
One message was: http://fireeagle.yahoo.net is open for everyone now & has some deal with the spot gps tracker.
Last night I cooked, ate a big trout and two different kinds of mushrooms--two yellow boletes & a piece of one of the huge, white, gilled shrooms that grow on dead foxtail pines I think. All this using the coals of a fire. I ate the fish, bones and all.
Most exciting:
> Colin, who can reply to you? Or, possibly you don't want answers from other people because they just intrude on your own inner dialogues and anyway, they are not in your "shoes" so to say.
Thanks for your message! As far as I can tell: if you comment on the blog or email me directly, and if that day or the next I turn on the cell phone and get a signal, I'll get the message. Otherwise (say there's no signal for a whole week), not until I log into gmail somewhere will I see the message. Messages sent to me @mms.att.net can get lost in oblivion; me @gmail goes to phone and keeps a copy at gmail too.
There have been messages I sent from the cell phone that never went through. It's never perfect. If two weeks go by and no response from me to a message, I probably did not get it yet.
There have been times where I got overwhelmed by fairly simple appreciative emails, or messages of other kinds. Mostly: not sure how to respond, yet feeling I should respond. I seem to prefer usually writing the whole world than personal messages, but I'm usually happy to have the personal emails to think about and reply to.
> [the inner peace part]
I'm wondering whether I should savor this comment longer--it may be helping me narrow in on two areas of questioning: what are we doing here together, what am I doing writing here, what are people doing sending me messages, commenting, etc., what am I doing when I hang out with friends, people on the trail, whoever? When I left comments? When I read or listen? All that, one area. Other area: what are we doing beyond seeking to enjoy peace / help others do so? As long as I'm alive, there are decisions to be made, how do I decide?
And a comment is nice--because (area 1) maybe others have these questions? Well, I'm not sure what.
[Saw a hawk? knock a bat? which started spiraling; hawk turned back, caught it, carried it off.]
Getting nowhere with these questions now. All that's coming is (Aurobindian per Kazlav - http://kheper.net ?): things are being done through me/us by all these actions. & response to "what to do?" is the basic Theory U / shaman's journey approach: go into stillness, come back out, there you are. Repeat.
So that's what I'll do. Yes our/my interactions matter. Joy, love, energy, or the cockroach effect (Zajonc?) comes from that.
Will now enjoy walking further on a trail that is easy to follow. Even in the dark. On my breaks, been reading Pynchon's _Vineland_. At least, I think it's his--more approachable than _Mason Dixon Line_ which I may try next, but not as remarkable as _V_.
Thanks for hanging on this mtntop with me! The contact is real (all contact is mediated [Wilber]) though it's through the machine (Forester).
oh my-
Peace,
Friday, August 15, 2008
Vista; What to do; Re: your comment!
I came to a vista open to the west near a stream. I'd planned to rest @ water. Tried, and there's a good signal again, so I got some messages, and I thought I'd update things since I made it through a stretch of unmaintained trail.
The vista overlooks the valley formed by convergence of north and middle forks of the San Joaquin. I'm near Red's Meadow and maybe 70 mi from Tuol. Mdws. Sky is stormy, hazy as if there are fires, really bad smog.
One message was: http://fireeagle.yahoo.net is open for everyone now & has some deal with the spot gps tracker.
Last night I cooked, ate a big trout and two different kinds of mushrooms--two yellow boletes & a piece of one of the huge, white, gilled shrooms that grow on dead foxtail pines I think. All this using the coals of a fire. I ate the fish, bones and all.
Most exciting:
> Colin, who can reply to you? Or, possibly you don't want answers from other people because they just intrude on your own inner dialogues and anyway, they are not in your "shoes" so to say.
Thanks for your message! As far as I can tell: if you comment on the blog or email me directly, and if that day or the next I turn on the cell phone and get a signal, I'll get the message. Otherwise (say there's no signal for a whole week), not until I log into gmail somewhere will I see the message. Messages sent to me @mms.att.net can get lost in oblivion; me @gmail goes to phone and keeps a copy at gmail too.
There have been messages I sent from the cell phone that never went through. It's never perfect. If two weeks go by and no response from me to a message, I probably did not get it yet.
There have been times where I got overwhelmed by fairly simple appreciative emails, or messages of other kinds. Mostly: not sure how to respond, yet feeling I should respond. I seem to prefer usually writing the whole world than personal messages, but I'm usually happy to have the personal emails to think about and reply to.
> [the inner peace part]
I'm wondering whether I should savor this comment longer--it may be helping me narrow in on two areas of questioning: what are we doing here together, what am I doing writing here, what are people doing sending me messages, commenting, etc., what am I doing when I hang out with friends, people on the trail, whoever? When I left comments? When I read or listen? All that, one area. Other area: what are we doing beyond seeking to enjoy peace / help others do so? As long as I'm alive, there are decisions to be made, how do I decide?
And a comment is nice--because (area 1) maybe others have these questions? Well, I'm not sure what.
[Saw a hawk? knock a bat? which started spiraling; hawk turned back, caught it, carried it off.]
Getting nowhere with these questions now. All that's coming is (Aurobindian per Kazlav - http://kheper.net ?): things are being done through me/us by all these actions. & response to "what to do?" is the basic Theory U / shaman's journey approach: go into stillness, come back out, there you are. Repeat.
So that's what I'll do. Yes our/my interactions matter. Joy, love, energy, or the cockroach effect (Zajonc?) comes from that.
Will now enjoy walking further on a trail that is easy to follow. Even in the dark. On my breaks, been reading Pynchon's _Vineland_. At least, I think it's his--more approachable than _Mason Dixon Line_ which I may try next, but not as remarkable as _V_.
Thanks for hanging on this mtntop with me! The contact is real (all contact is mediated [Wilber]) though it's through the machine (Forester).
oh my-
Peace,
The vista overlooks the valley formed by convergence of north and middle forks of the San Joaquin. I'm near Red's Meadow and maybe 70 mi from Tuol. Mdws. Sky is stormy, hazy as if there are fires, really bad smog.
One message was: http://fireeagle.yahoo.net is open for everyone now & has some deal with the spot gps tracker.
Last night I cooked, ate a big trout and two different kinds of mushrooms--two yellow boletes & a piece of one of the huge, white, gilled shrooms that grow on dead foxtail pines I think. All this using the coals of a fire. I ate the fish, bones and all.
Most exciting:
> Colin, who can reply to you? Or, possibly you don't want answers from other people because they just intrude on your own inner dialogues and anyway, they are not in your "shoes" so to say.
Thanks for your message! As far as I can tell: if you comment on the blog or email me directly, and if that day or the next I turn on the cell phone and get a signal, I'll get the message. Otherwise (say there's no signal for a whole week), not until I log into gmail somewhere will I see the message. Messages sent to me @mms.att.net can get lost in oblivion; me @gmail goes to phone and keeps a copy at gmail too.
There have been messages I sent from the cell phone that never went through. It's never perfect. If two weeks go by and no response from me to a message, I probably did not get it yet.
There have been times where I got overwhelmed by fairly simple appreciative emails, or messages of other kinds. Mostly: not sure how to respond, yet feeling I should respond. I seem to prefer usually writing the whole world than personal messages, but I'm usually happy to have the personal emails to think about and reply to.
> [the inner peace part]
I'm wondering whether I should savor this comment longer--it may be helping me narrow in on two areas of questioning: what are we doing here together, what am I doing writing here, what are people doing sending me messages, commenting, etc., what am I doing when I hang out with friends, people on the trail, whoever? When I left comments? When I read or listen? All that, one area. Other area: what are we doing beyond seeking to enjoy peace / help others do so? As long as I'm alive, there are decisions to be made, how do I decide?
And a comment is nice--because (area 1) maybe others have these questions? Well, I'm not sure what.
[Saw a hawk? knock a bat? which started spiraling; hawk turned back, caught it, carried it off.]
Getting nowhere with these questions now. All that's coming is (Aurobindian per Kazlav - http://kheper.net ?): things are being done through me/us by all these actions. & response to "what to do?" is the basic Theory U / shaman's journey approach: go into stillness, come back out, there you are. Repeat.
So that's what I'll do. Yes our/my interactions matter. Joy, love, energy, or the cockroach effect (Zajonc?) comes from that.
Will now enjoy walking further on a trail that is easy to follow. Even in the dark. On my breaks, been reading Pynchon's _Vineland_. At least, I think it's his--more approachable than _Mason Dixon Line_ which I may try next, but not as remarkable as _V_.
Thanks for hanging on this mtntop with me! The contact is real (all contact is mediated [Wilber]) though it's through the machine (Forester).
oh my-
Peace,
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