A list of things to do before I leave.
- Wash various things.
- Contact LM
- Find W2s, etc.
- Deposit check
- H202
- Tooth brush
- Notepad
Plan is to go to court on Friday. See if I can do something other than pay $381. Doing so will cost $2+$2+$8+$2.5+$2+a day maybe--until they tell me the new penalty--if there is a different one possible. Legal Aid in San Diego was helpful. They said if you plead guilty to a misdemeanor, infraction, felony--all those are criminal offenses (when applying for jobs they often ask about these).
Friday night, visit Point Loma grandparents.
Saturday?
Sunday? could go to World Beat Sangha. Not sure-- [have sort of lost that sangha love I felt before; just have Santa Barbara-ish love now.]
Monday?
. . .
Wednesday: catch the 0610am train to Santa Barbara! (-$33, -$2.50)
---
Begged David from the sangha for the ride to Escondido--
Begged a guy on the train for his paper.
Recognizing need (?) for entertainment. . . [could I talk to people?]
---
***Some time after posting that last post--
--near the top of Angostura Pass--
--I lost the cable that lets me charge my cell phone and palm/clié/pda.--
[so I type this on my old sony vaio subnotebook with fan, drive noise, laying on my back--a pulsing bass, ding from apts out back.]***
---
The next morning I noted it missing. I walked all the way back up (6-7mi rt) after hanging my pack from a line over a branch. Did not find the cable.
So I had a week+'s worth of food, but only one partial charge on my ebook reader.
---
Long ago I figured there would be a break in the [technomadic] technology at some point. [de-tech-ed]
---
I stuck it out for a little while.
---
But still, I came back (at least two+ days) before I had run out of food.
---
I did take some time to be visionary. To practice self-inquiry rather than self-escape.
---
[From the notepad:
Culture comes from energy use.
Mood, etc., from ~ (mood, state) of organisms eaten. (had eaten a wild snake).
Divine, how can I use my mind constructive?
use form, create space,
space that was right in front of noses, unseen.
]
I got to contemplating an old writing of mine, "Ten Steps to a New Vision." (because it mentions spending "40 days and nights at our desert retreat center"; because it was from a time when I was willingly visionary--when I was engaging in, not avoiding, creative thought. )
I considered that "developing a vision" wasn't the best pointer--I needed to develop a shared vision. . . (otherwise I could just be insane perhaps).
How do I develop a shared vision?
By sharing others' visions.
Whose visions can I share?
-----
[Here begins the initial attempt at writing about the visioning forced on me by lack of entertainment. The part above is a later attempt begun after realizing I'd left some parts out in what follows.]
First I thought a bit about my last post. And the Los Padres Walkers idea.
Do I really want to have others to walk with?
If I do--with whom would others want to walk? Not a whiner.
They, I ask of people with whom they are considering spending time:
- Is s/he content?
- Does s/he stay still?
- Does s/he have a vision I can share?
- Does this relate to a developmental path? [at Quail Springs: build house, grow food, make living; at Sunburst: spiritual path; mainstream society: money, career, family; academic paths; Tom Brown Jr's school and Grandfather: development of spiritual, nature awareness, caretaking ability.]
[(Are the following qualities important: is s/he) compassionate? loving? thoughtful?]
---
Develop own developmental path. . .
Many existing developmental paths:
increase in development corresponds to increase in consumption.
[e.g.: developmental paths of achieving wealth, status, fame, power.]
how to have a developmental progression that corresponds to increase in service -- service to others (enabling them to consume less?) [is consumption inherently a problem or just the type of --- ?]
[the writing went like this:
most ↑ devel ↑ consumption
how to ↑ devel ↑ serve
how serve?
serve to ↓ consumpt?
Don't know]
---
That was basically it.
I also added "perhaps sit together once or twice per day" to the 'shared spiritual path' of Los Padres Walkers. I changed 'decision making' to: "by consensus (by elders in case of emergency)".
---
I did mentally compare myself when I was dreaming of organizing, leading, world-changing (as back in 1995 - 7, as with "the being group"), to now.
---
So here is the only plan I have in the world:
(1) The replacement part I need to charge cell phone should be here soon--Monday or Tuesday. (happily I had an extra cable here (San Diego) so I could charge the ebook reader. . . [and resume reading Arthur C. Clarke.])
(2) Return to Santa Barbara.
(3) Go to interview to see if I can get Food Stamps.
(4) Get address at UPS Store or other mail box place.
(5) Get new cell phone number in Santa Barbara (805) area code.
(6) Apply for jobs--One interested me: tutoring with Americorps. Also: attending people with developmental disabilities [the location is wonderful: an ocean- and marsh-surrounded peninsula on a large campus near UCSB with many abandoned buildings. . .]. Both are part time.
The Americorps job requires written references. I may not apply in that case.
I may want experience working with people with developmental disabilities. . . so I could later be a part of a Camphill Community.
Plus, With people With developmental disabilities, as opposed to non-developmentally disabled kids, I will be serving people who are emancipated.
I think you understand.
---
The main reason I can consider working in Santa Barbara: I can walk from beach to mountain trailhead in 1:15; there is plenty of open space for camping out even within the city; there are plenty of grilles with wood chip mulch nearby (fuel) for cooking; it is a nice place.
---
If I had a ton of money?
It would probably still be time to start working [in a new way]. (probably still would be camping out?)
I do not think I'm ready to endlessly wander the forest. I may avoid any commitment to a/that 3-week walk this summer.
---
So that's it.
---
The book[s] I got to reading this past trip was Arthur C. Clarke's
_2001: A Space Odyssey_, _2010: Odyssey Two_, _2061: Odyssey Three_, _3001: The Final Odyssey_.
"HAL" is one of those chilling/astonishing _Infinite Jest_ connections my mind came up with. . .
---
So why am I destitute without entertainment? I used to think I could deal with solitary imprisonment. . .
I could dance, meditate. . .
Sing. . .
[why can Clarke create this astonishing imaginary story while I must fall asleep for an engaging release from solitary forest existence [a dream]?]
---
There is a relational component of self, of mind. It is that fifth contemplation--"the sangha eye."
---
So, these words show a bit of where I'm.
---
Without entertainment, what--?
[that I left, briefly, the mindless habit energies of my 4602Seminole rut to spend time writing here. . . (~hope?)]
---
[To be fair: there had been a growing backlog of stuff to accomplish by returning here--one main goal: getting rid of some extra winter gear I'd been carrying: 3lb sleeping bag, umbrella, . . .]
No comments:
Post a Comment