Every scale of self concept and perspective seems to work with that view of what it means to function. Circular but for the future focus. (One of the holacracy influences pointed me this way -- requisite organization.)
I have no mission compelling me on to the forest. Once there, what shall I do?
That may not matter. Just need a good enough story to get there.
How can I begin to function?
My current function is rejection of or at least differentiation from what many consider to be functioning.
Got to reading about self in form of Abbzug in _The Monkey Wrench Gang_. Earlier recent reads: _Man in The High Castle_. _Demolished Man_ already mentioned.
I worked today on the Kroc challenge course, and saw some of my old students from two years ago.
I had chained myself here (Acorn & Seminole) many of the previous days, so as not to lose alternate days to exercise, meditation. To progress on the quilt. Probably two more days on that.
Dad's half sister Brenda and her mom Peggy visited yesterday, Sunday. Grandma Ann and Peggy got to commiserate about/remember my dad's dad.
FUNCTIONING
My dad meets most everyone's definition of 'high functioning'. Even the ecogeeks. (they're making a family farm in TN).
If I have any claim to functioning it is only in refusal to participate in destruction of the future. And perhaps as serving as a model of a certain quality of conscience.
Those recognized as great 'reduce ambiguity', and enable future-focused functioning in many lives beyond their own. What should I do? Sew (Jardine). Sit (Buddha). Take every step in peace (Thich Nhat Hanh). Help make a family farm . . .
I am a festival of escape and ambiguity.
Transitions that occur:
well, by whatever route, beginning the task of defining the future one wishes to function for.
So, I function for a future where people do not lock themselves into self- and other-destructive lives in order to own land, houses, cars, in order to be loved, in order to survive.
I guess (ambiguity) that's enough meditation on this topic for now.
Having done for the day my attempt to be thoughtful, aware, not mindlessly escaping, to organize my thoughts about my behavior, I shall return to reading or some other not as functioning as sewing activity. Tomorrow will sew, though body would benefit from day of exercise.
I did order a pass for the parks along the PCT. Functioning. But may look at going north in Los Padres NF: Santa Barbara to SLO.
Grandma Ann came out to chat.
There's no future focus in endless preoccupation with hourly changes in the temperature. Simply to have something to be concerned about. And hardly any in the fear that makes one so eager to maintain a certain appearance.
Philip K Dick has that fear as a recurring theme. And I see it in myself.
More ambiguity, ever more.
I rarely high-five people. What does it mean? What do I mean with it? Yet I've learned (from the very experienced facilitators) it's a good, fun trick to break through my detachment when the climbers on the challenge course return to the ground, and for us all to smile more.
More ambiguity.
"We communicated well."
I let it go. These great young kids preparing to be counselors. I did not plan or lead this program. We did not get the eye contact, the firm handshake, diction, volume, posture. I let it go. They'll get it. Not from me--not even the best example, except of a human attempt.
So I let it go, and I think, then, they get / got the quality of mind presence behind that stepping back. Feeling the grouped individual awarenesses in that moment. Rather than reacting, seeking to affect them. There is so much more for you, for us, we won't be immediately sharing it all.
And more ambiguity. Individuals composite, and I, too. Sandy, I know you. Edward Abbey wrote part of me before I was born. Chris McCandless lived part of my life more thoroughly than I may ever. Wilber followed/took a questioning thought in my mind far away to where I care not to follow.
50 million decisions to make while quilt-making. Mind shuts down. Lay comatose on the floor. Go off, escape, forget, later resume.
Do I make use of the extra insulation? The kicker. Will I go to the Sierra?
Can I reduce weight of pack itself?
It's about 70 degrees. No more quilt-making in 100 degree weather?
What is most important?
Peace,
No comments:
Post a Comment